Joy and Healing After Pregnancy Loss

Men and women who experience pregnancy loss, whether through abortion, miscarriage or stillbirth often experience a higher sense of isolation. Who would understand their pain? Who do they turn to and openly share their mixed emotions? Who will judge their actions? Can they heal? Concerns like this are addressed through ByYourSideLA (ByYourSideLA.org), a service of the Archdiocese to attend to the emotional needs of those hurting after their pregnancy loss. A Merciful Companion, a lay trained individual, offers initial support and guidance to start the healing process.

Healing is not an easy process. For example, companions witness the depth of pain that comes from the result of an abortion. Grief is very present. Many people struggle to accept their loss, receive forgiveness and be self- compassionate. Many people fear the judgment of others and cope by trying to forget what happened. Not facing the thoughts, feelings and memories, however, can cause more harm in the long run. Miscarriage is also a loss that is hard to process. Feelings of isolation, blame, helplessness and lack of forgiveness can be present. Yet the invitation to heal is available to all and a unique process to each.

The challenge with pregnancy loss is that it causes a disenfranchised grief, one that is not recognized by society. This finds those that are experiencing loss in silence, not knowing where to go to talk and be encouraged. Men are even less responsive to this invitation to heal, and the culture feeds into a negative stereotype of pressure to “tough it out” and dismiss how they too, can hurt. To help overcome that, ByYourSideLA has expanded services this year to offer awareness and education to the community. Parish leaders in the Ministry of Consolation have received trainings as well as deacons in formation. In addition, college students learned about how anyone can all be a safe place to help those who are hurting from their pregnancy loss.

We are witnesses to the Joy of Life after a pregnancy loss. As an example, a female caller and her husband terminated a pregnancy last year due to medical problems with the baby. After the wife spoke with a Merciful Companion for several weeks and attended a day retreat for after abortion, she found herself at a more peaceful place. The couple was able to conceive another child, a girl, and are filled with joy. Another woman experienced a miscarriage at 7 weeks and was devastated as she felt responsible for the loss. Her despair led her to call for help and through understanding God’s mercy and her place in life, she was able to mourn the loss of her child and move forward in her life.

It can be hard to listen to the circumstances of loss and the pain behind it. The joy of this ministry is in the ability to be an active listener and share God’s compassion for all, no matter the loss. We communicate love and this is the first step in healing. We look forward to reaching more in the next year and sharing the Joy of Life through compassion and healing.